Blogibation

I said I was going to take an honest stab at this jogging bit, so here is my fourth attempt in three years.  I seem to see a significant amount of failures in me - at least I tend to feel I fail at everything.  Fortunately to a mild degree, I have become fairly proficient at ignoring some of those nagging feelings only because I know deep inside it might be Satan and his minions...  Wow, that old lady has just as many flowers on her coat as she does in the bouquet of flowers she is carrying.

Anyhow.  Just as of lately, I have been doing a lot of hindsight checking - apparently I am getting older because my hind side requires more sight to inspect.  I need to lay off the candy.  Getting back on track here, I've been reflecting on the "what-if" aspects of several key decisions I've made in the past few years.  Living in Wilkie is great with the exception of a few quirks here and there, but it is better than living in some country like Nabob or Folgers or what have you.  I keep reminding myself that Amy and I made the decision to move to Wilkie; however, I distinctly remember worrying about not having many Christian friends to poke with a stick.  So fast forward to the present day, and here I am with two true Christian friends, one who cooks for and sleeps with me, the other, well, he's just an instigator and Amy cooks for him too. 

I am dryer than fart and lonelier than a fart in the woods.  "If a God-fearing man stumbles in Wilkie, does anybody hear it?".  I would not dare to say that I do not have friends - never in a gabajillion millenniums.  All I am saying I miss the fellowship and the accountability I had in Saskatoon.  When you have two grown men who are facing the same problems, which run deeper than ballistics, it is hard to say, "Listen here you, I'm weak and you're weak so pick me up before I stone you."  Or you can conjugate a Barenaked Ladies song into, "Lyin' in bed, just like sexy Moses did.  Well, I'm lyin' in bed just like sexy Moses did."

Amy has been an excellent source of concrete through our marriage.  Jesus is better - I just need to make that clear.  Either way, sometimes a guy just needs another guy to gripe at.  A man needs another man to ask his opinion on things because we think differently than girls.  I have contemplated on numerous occasions to call a brother and be like, "Listen here you..."; however, I feel unattached.  Working the road has led me to miss numerous amounts of Sunday gatherings and other weekly gatherings.  The consequence is simply that I no longer see the main men in my life that I have shared so much with and I feel like I'm drifting off.

I've always said that life is only as awkward as you want it to be and I have this uncanny desire to try and make things as awkward for people as I can.  I generally know full well that they are probably thinking, "Holy Rice-A-Roni, I'm nervous about (insert life predicament)."  So to summarize, if I was to pick up the phone and call up a brother, guaranteed I would face a lack of words because I would be nervous.  I would keep thinking that the other guy is thinking, "Why is this guy calling me?  I've seen colds come around more often than him."  Maybe I'm just over-reacting; however, this situation is real to me and the novelty has worn off.  I suppose the ball would be in my court to engage with my elders, tragically, when a guy has felt so low for so long, he just gets used to the pain.